


You Don't Get Lucky Twice

by NoBrokenPride



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU - Patty and Barry dont happen, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Fools in Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Temporary Character Death, WestAllen isnt the focus, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 15:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11877654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBrokenPride/pseuds/NoBrokenPride
Summary: He knew it was wrong.He was engaged to a beautiful woman, his best friend in the world, and yet, he couldn’t stay away, from him. From Len.





	You Don't Get Lucky Twice

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii, so this is my first attempt at a fic in a long long long time, and first for the flash fandom. Please ignore all the probably glaringly obvious grammatical errors, I tried my best to edit them but I suck at grammar. This was supposed to be like 1500 words and then it just got like way out of hand. 
> 
> Any comments and feedback on improvement would be very much appreciated! Hope you enjoy my angst.
> 
> Title is from, Without the bitter the sweet isnt as sweet, by Mayday Parade, incase anyone was wondering.
> 
> I dont own the Flash or any of the characters in this story.  
> \-------------------------------------------------------------------

\-----------

He knew it was wrong. He was engaged to a beautiful woman, his best friend in the world, and yet, he couldn’t stay away, from _him_.

It was like an addiction pulling him in, it started out innocently enough, a way to relieve tension after a fight, a way to not let his emotions get the better of him when shit went wrong in his life, a way to escape all the chaos that surrounded him every since he woke up from that goddamn coma. He isn’t even sure how it started, one minute he’s storming into Saints and Sinners a few weeks after the disaster that was Ferris air, after the singularity when everything went wrong, when he was lying awake every night because every time he closed his eyes he saw her, his mother dying in his arms because he didn’t save her. _He didn’t save her_.

In the back of his mind he knew he was looking for a fight, because he was just so angry. Angry at the Wells-Eobard- for ruining his life, and acting like a friend, a mentor, while doing so. Angry at Eddie and Ronnie for sacrificing their lives and leaving behind the women they loved to deal with the pain. Angry at Snart for going back on his word and letting the metas free. But mostly he was angry at himself. For not being able to save anyone he cared about, for not being a hero like everyone thought he was, _for being a failure_.

So it was fair to say when he walked into the dive bar and spotted Snart having a drink and playing pool like he didn’t have a care in the world it pissed him off. When Snart spotted him and gave him a glare so cold that almost froze him in place, he was _murderous_ with rage, so he has no idea how when he followed Snart out into the alley outside, why he didn’t throw a punch like he intended too. No he somehow ended up pushing Snart to the alley wall and _kissing_ him for all he was worth, and – what the hell?!

When he woke up the next morning in some random safe house and realized he’d slept through the night without any nightmares, he didn’t consider the possibility that it might be because of the man laying next to him. When he turned sleepily onto his side and saw piercing blue eyes staring at him intently, as if to ask him what his next move was, his heart suddenly fluttered in his chest. That should have been his first warning that he needed to get out immediately and stay far, far away. However, Barry has never been good at listening to reason, so naturally he found himself slowly tracing a line up Snart’s arm instead, over his shoulder and eventually cupping his jaw, all while still staring into those blue eyes that made even the bluest depths of the ocean look dull, neither of them said a word while they both etched closer and eventually connected their lips in a soft, gentle kiss, nothing like the night before, this was something different, and if he had been paying attention maybe he would have realized this is when Snart, started to become _Len_ to him, instead he pulled himself away without another word and watched as the man with eyes he could never forget, got up and dressed without so much as a glance his way, and left.

The message was clear, this was a one-time thing, a mistake, it was never going to happen again. He thought he was okay with that at the time, and convinced himself that he too thought it was a mistake and it wasn’t going to happen again.

Except it did.

\--------- 

 

It kept happening, he needed the release, just the few hours of not being the Flash, not being a son, or a brother, or a friend. He was just Barry and he could let go for a while and not have to think about anything. Snart got that, he wouldn’t get attached and think it was anything more than just sex, he knew how to keep his mouth shut, because if word got out about them it would be almost worse for him. It was casual and he could stop at anytime.

Except he couldn’t, because before he knew it, it had been a year and he couldn’t figure out when but he had managed in that time to get attached, it wasn’t just a release anymore, if he went too long without seeing Len he missed him, and god when did he become _Len_ in his mind and not Snart? He reflected, it was probably the night they were rolling around a bed making out like a couple of teenagers with just their jeans on, shirts tossed somewhere back out on the living room floor and Barry let out a whiney _“Snart!”_  
Snart just looked down at him and whispered “Call me Len kid,” and that was that. 

Len it was. 

Barry was so screwed. Yet another person who wouldn’t love him in return. Just another person who was going to hurt him eventually, shatter his already fragile heart. Because Len didn’t care about Barry, it was just sex to him, nothing else and Barry being the idiot that he was, should have walked away as soon as he realized he’d gotten attached, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Not when he woke up and Lens arm was around him, protecting him making him feel safe, making him feel whole. Not when occasionally he would wake up and smell food cooking and walk out to the kitchen of whatever safe house they were in at the time and see Len at the stove, just in his underwear, with all his beautiful skin on display, scars littering his back, and torso which just made him all the more attractive to Barry. Because he had lived through trauma too, he was a survivor and he was damaged but somehow he made it through the worst times of his life and kept going, and knowing that somehow made Barry feel like he could keep going, even when Zoom came, another person he has trusted that had betrayed him.

He couldn’t walk away, not when those rare times, when Len smiled at him, his real smile not just a smirk, god, Barry was so screwed, because there was no denying it now, he was irrevocably in love with Leonard Snart.

And when Len, touched him gently in bed, or invited him around and had take out and a movie waiting, he thought maybe, just maybe, this time it would be different maybe this time Len would love him back, not like with Iris, no he could see it in Lens eyes, he knew, he loved Barry too. So even if he couldn’t say it, if neither of them could say it because they had both got burned one too many times in the past it didn’t matter. They knew how they felt, they had each other to pull them both out of the darkness. 

So when Len just disappeared one day without a trace, no goodbye, no note, too say Barry was heartbroken would be an understatement. His heart had been incased in ice, and he didn’t think it would ever melt. The darkness was coming back and this time there was no one around to bring the light back. His light had vanished when Len did. 

\----

A few weeks later, when he was still walking around on auto pilot, not really living but going through the motions because he couldn’t risk letting anyone in again, he found out where Len went. He was off on a time ship, with Stein and Jax and he was saving the world, being the hero that Barry knew he could be, and just like that it hurt a little less, sure it stung that he never said goodbye, but Barry could guess why, he probably thought he would be dropped right back off when he left, and he could hardly scold him for doing what Barry had wanted him too.

So his heart still hurt, but just in the way it hurts when you miss someone, when the person you love isn’t near by. And little by little the light started to creep back in.

Then Zoom killed his dad and he world went pitch black.

He couldn’t see a way out, not even Iris telling him she loved him, something he never thought would actually happen, words that he had been waiting nearly his entire life to hear, could make him see the light. Not even the kiss they shared helped, because it had felt wrong, it wasn’t Len kissing him, and it was all wrong and his heart was aching inside his chest and he couldn’t take it anymore. 

So he ran. 

He ran back to the night his mother died and saved her this time. He got to live with both his parents, and hey maybe in this timeline Len wasn’t off on some mission, maybe he could find him and give them a real shot, because he wasn’t the flash and they wouldn’t have to hide, but he looked everywhere and couldn’t find him. So maybe he thought, he should per sue Iris after all, it didn’t feel quite right but this was how time was supposed to be, wasn’t it? The article from the future, earth two, it all pointed to him ending up with Iris. He was supposed to grow up with his parents and marry Iris, so that’s what he was going to do, he didn’t follow his heart because he had both his parents back and that had to be _enough_ , plus he’d loved Iris for years before Len, so maybe eventually those feelings would come back, he had to believe that.

Then of course everything started going wrong, Wally was dying, he had to reset the timeline, and too do so he had to let Thawne kill his mother, _again_.

 

\------- 

 

Flashpoint, had turned into Barry’s biggest regret of all, he didn’t regret the time he got to spend with his parents again, but leaving just took away more of the little light he had managed to build, and getting back and seeing he had ruined his friends and families lives also plunged him further into the dark. Iris wasn’t talking to Joe, Cisco blamed him for his brothers death, Caitlin was slowly turning into Killer Frost, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. 

So of course it was a perfect time for aliens to turn up. Cause yeah, apparently Barry’s shit show of a life wasn’t already hard enough lately, gee _thanks universe_.

Still, not even aliens could bring down Barry’s inner joy when the Waverider touched down. Something in Barry’s chest eased a little, he was having the worst year of his life yet he felt some light creeping in, even if he couldn’t show it, he would be seeing Len soon, and after all of this was over maybe they could sneak away, have some time together. He knew it was wrong, he was trying to make a go of things with Iris, but he just couldn’t resist Len, one look at those mesmerising blue eyes and he knew he would be gone. 

So when he didn’t step off the ship he had to not let his disappointment and panic show on his face. When he finally corned Ray, he couldn’t wait anymore, he had to know, even though he had a terrible feeling he knew exactly why Len wasn’t here making snarky comments and puns about E.T, because yes, Len was secretly a nerd, but he needed to know for sure. 

So he asked. 

“Hey Ray, um where’s Snart?” Keeping the hope out of his voice was hard, luckily Ray didn't seem to notice.  
“Oh I’m sorry Barry, I forgot we never told you.” No. 

No no no no no God, _please, no_.  
“What happened?” It took all of Barry’s self control not to let his voice crack, not the let tears start spilling down his face, not to break down, because to the knowledge of everybody here he had no reason too, Len was his nemesis, nothing else. To Ray he wasn’t telling Barry the man he loved was gone, he was just telling him a reluctant frenemy, if that, was gone. 

“He sacrificed himself, saved us all he died a hero.”

“A legend.” Barry choked out, with a sad smile. Len would hate being called a hero, he thought bitterly in the back of his mind.  
As Ray walked away he took a minute to composed himself. Len was gone but he couldn’t think of that right now, he couldn’t let the grief in because if he did, he would break and be plunged so far into the dark he wouldn’t be able to come back and there wasn’t time for that. He had a mission to get back too, a world to save he could break later.

After the dominators were gone Barry threw himself all in with his relationship with Iris. Trying to numb the pain. He actively didn’t think of Len, it hurt too much. He knew he was just using Iris as a distraction and that made him just about the worst person on this earth, but he did love her, of course he did, she was his best friend, his rock, he just wasn’t _in love_ with her. He didn’t think he would love anyone like that again, and when Savitar arrived, he was glad he didn’t love anyone like that.

 

\-------- 

Three weeks before Iris West was to die at the hands of Savitar, Barry was running through the city when Cisco called over the comms. “Barry i'm getting reports of some kind of strange temporal energy down town, not picking up Meta vibes but you should go and check it out.”  
“On my way.” 

It took 17 seconds for Barry to follow Cisco’s directions and reach where the breach had opened. 

17 seconds before Barry’s life would be thrown for a loop again.

By the time he arrived to the abandoned street, nothing out of the ordinary could be seen, but someone was lying on the ground, and they were just starting to look up. Barry would recognise those eyes anywhere, but it couldn’t be, could it? 

He quickly told Cisco that nothing was a miss and he would come back to the labs soon, before promptly switching off his comms cutting off Cisco’s protest as it came through. He blinked back the tears in his eyes and cautiously took a step forward before gently saying, barely above a whisper, “Len?” 

He was surprised he’d even heard him, but soon he got a reply and his heart was beating erratically in his chest. “Scarlet, could you give me a hand up? Dying seems to take a lot of energy.” God that drawl, he missed that drawl _so god damn much_. He was over by his side in a Flash, falling to the ground, arm’s wrapping tightly around the thief, clutching to him as though he would disappear if he didn’t maintain contact, and for all he knew he might, he was supposed to be dead. 

“How? H-how is this possible, they, Ray told me you died, you were d-dead Len and I cant-“ He was cut off by Len desperately pulling him in for a kiss and God, Barry’s world was suddenly so bright it was nearly over whelming. He clutched desperately to Lens leather jacket, opened his mouth willingly in a desperate needy kiss that poured all of his emotions that had been building up ever since he took off on that stupid time ship, Len was doing the same in return, hands cupping Barry’s face pleading for more without saying a word. Soon, too soon they had to break for air, Len pressed his forehead against Barry’s like he knew that Barry needed him that close, as they both panted, eyes closed just taking this moment in. 

It was Len who broke the silence. “I – I don’t know what happened, one minute I’m in an explosion, the next I’m floating around in the time stream, no way out just a spectator to all of time, then suddenly I was dropped here. It felt like minutes and years at the same time, all I know is, I’m back now Scarlet, and I’m not going anywhere again.” 

He didn’t waste anytime after that, just speed them off to the closest of safe house, that he still went to sometimes when he was really missing the rouge, (even if he would never admit that after). The rest of the night was spent tangled in sheets, with desperate kisses and moans filling the air, they held each other in their arms after not daring to move a muscle or too close their eyes incase they woke up and this was a dream, incase the miracle of Len being brought back was going to be taken away. 

When golden flecks of morning sunlight started to stream in through the window, Barry’s phone rang for the 10th time but he made no attempt to answer, he did roll over so he could look into Len’s eyes though, because this moment was real, he was here, but they also needed to talk about what had changed since he left all that time ago, it would shatter the golden bubble they were currently floating in but it had to be done, so he took a deep breath and just blurted out, “I’m engaged, and an evil speedster from the future is going to kill her in a few weeks, and at this stage there is nothing I can do to stop it.” He expected Len to tense, to flinch away and yell and tell him to leave, instead he just sighed, looked down at Barry and said, “I know.”

Okay now Barry was very, very confused. It must have shown on his face, because Len just chuckled and said, “I was in the time stream Barry, I saw what was going on back home from time to time, I’m not mad, if anything I should feel guilty. I knew that you’d moved on, that you were engaged, but as soon as I saw you I just couldn’t stay away.” The look in those eyes that Barry loved so much said every thing he needed to know in that moment, they glimmered with love that couldn’t be spoken out loud, with promises and a future they craved but didn’t think they could obtain. 

But didn’t he see, _they could_.

“When I’ve saved her from Savitar, ill tell her about us, everything, all of it and we can start fresh-“  
“Barry no we cant-“  
“Why not? Len I Lo-“  
“NO. Don’t say it Barry, don’t you dare say it.” Anger suddenly flared up on Lens face and Barry felt it come alive inside of him as well.  
“Why the hell not?! Why cant I say it when its true, its been true for a long time now, and I’m sick of not getting what I want, and what I want is you!.” He was breathing heavily, his voiced had gotten louder and louder as he went on, tears were stinging in his eyes, but he needed to say this and Len needed to hear it. They were both sitting up now staring into each others eyes, blue meeting green, both unable to look away.

“I saw how things are supposed to go Barry, I was in the time stream. You’ll save Iris, you’ll get married, have a family and eventually you’ll forget about me, I wasn’t even supposed to be in the picture in the first place…”  
“But you ARE in the picture Len. I don’t care how this is supposed to play out, I can choose my own future and I see my future being with you, so why are you trying to push me away?” Traitorous tears were now streaming down his face, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, he needed Len to see how much he meant to him, how he was broken when he was gone and now that he was back he wasn’t just going to let him go again. 

“You don’t get to push me away, I just finally got some luck, I got you back and it’s a _miracle_ and its lucky and I am **NOT** going to let you go no matter what you say or do. I love you, _I love you Len_ , so please _just let me_.” Len’s gaze was locked on Barry’s face, looking for some indication that everything he just said was a lie, but it wasn’t. He loved him. With everything he had, over the past few months the darkness was winning and Len was his way back to the Light. “Okay.”

Okay. He shuddered out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. God Barry has never heard a better word in his entire life.

“On one condition, you need to focus on saving Iris right now, be with her, make her feel loved, because even though I have complete faith in you Scarlet, some things in life are out of our control and if things don’t go your way, she needs you more than I do right now, and you owe her that much.” The earnest look in Lens eyes, was what stopped him from arguing that, doing so would hurt her more when this was over and he saved her and just suddenly left, but he trusted Len. Barry didn’t want to pull away when he had just gotten Len back, but he knew deep down he was right. He needed to be there for Iris right now, needed to find a way to save her. Then they would be together, consequences be damned. He had waited long enough, so slowly he nodded and said, “Okay.”

They shared one more passionate kiss, pouring all of their emotions into it, before Barry’s phone rang for what seemed like the millionth time and Len slowly pulled out of his arms. “You have to go, and I need to go and tract down Lisa, I imagine I am going to get quite a _frosty_ reception, after the whole being dead thing.” And yep there was the signature smirk that Barry had missed so much, he just rolled his eyes at the obvious cold pun, and slowly got out of bed too, quickly checking his phone, 7 missed Calls from Iris and 5 messages from Cisco, yeah this was going to be hard to explain. 

They both got dressed in silence, sending beaming smiles and glances towards each other just basking in all the love and warmth, when Len was finished getting dressed and heading towards the door, he side stepped and walked over to Barry and pecked his lips again, leaned just slightly away and whispered, “I love you too, Barry Allen.” It took all of his willpower not to pull Len into another heated make out session after that confession, but he knew they both had places they needed to go, so instead he just beamed at him and said goodbye, like they had a thousand more hello’s waiting for them. As Len walked out the door, a golden trail of light from outside leaving with him Barry whispered a confession into the now empty room.

_“You’re the Love of my life, Leonard Snart.”_

 

\------

 

Over the next few weeks, Barry was focused on saving Iris, he saw Len once or twice, but only for a few minutes, he just needed to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, that Len was really back and alive. That the miracle he has wished so desperately for had come true. They shared a few stolen kisses, and promises of what their future was going to hold when Savitar was dealt with and Iris was safe. 

When Barry walked into Saints and Sinners, the morning Iris’ fate would be decided, Len was leaning by the bar ordering a drink and a strange sense of de ja vue, washed over Barry. It was like the time he had walked in here two years ago and asked his then enemy for help, this time he was asking the man he loved for help and he knew he was going to say yes. 

So Barry wondered over with a shit eating grin on his face as Len slowly turned around smirking as he drawled, “Hello Scarlet.”  
“I need a partner in crime, do you feel up for a heist or have you lost your touch, _Captain?_ ”  
“Oh Barry, you _wound_ me, I’ve been waiting for the day I get to turn the Flash into a rouge for a long, long time.” The smug look on Lens face, was enough to actually make him laugh, today on what should be a day that made it impossible to laugh, Len was making it brighter. 

Everyone’s shocked faces when he walked into the cortex with Len trailing behind him, was totally worth not giving them a heads up. When Cisco stammered out, “But he dead?!” Lens mischievous smirk was all the warning Barry had before he was putting on his best Captain Cold drawl and turning towards Cisco to give an elegant reply of, “Yeah didn’t stick, thought i'd try my hand at stealing a second shot at life.” The outraged looked on Cisco’s face was even enough to make Iris smile.

When they were done at Argus and Barry was dropping Len back off at Saints and Sinners, for what he called his well earned victory drink, he stopped outside in the Alley where all of this had started, he didn’t have much time, but he needed to do this. He kissed Len like there was nothing wrong going on in the world, like he wasn’t going to have to fight for his best friends life in mere hours. Right there in that moment in that dirty alley behind a dive bar in the bad part of town, Barry was content, he was untouchable and he was light. 

He reluctantly pulled away from the perfect moment and gazed into Lens perfect blue eyes. “I have to go back, thank you for your help. I love you.”  
“I love you too, Scarlet now go save the day.” 

If Barry knew what was to come that night, he never would have left.

 

\------- 

Later that night when Savitar had tricked them again and gotten a hold of Iris' location, Barry found himself in the same position on Infantino Street, as he witnessed himself being all those months ago. The Speed Bazooka had just failed Savitar had Iris in his clutches in front of him, and he had _failed again_. Now all he could do was just beg. 

“Please, please don’t do this okay. I’m begging you please let her go!” 

Savitar chuckled darkly, and with no humor. “You know what Flash I think I will let her go, after all I said I was going to break you and in order to do that, I need to do something you wont recover from, like taking away _the love of your life_.” Suddenly, Iris was dropped from Savitars metal clutches and Barry’s stomach dropped, as she did. He couldn’t have meant what Barry thought he meant by that statement. Could he? All along he had mocked and ridiculed Barry that he was going to kill Iris, the woman he loved, he wouldn’t just change things now on the night of his grand plan would he?

He didn’t have time to dwell on that thought as Savitar speed away in a trail of blue lightning and Barry flashed forward to Iris, grabbed her and flashed her up to where Joe was perched, reassuring her that she was going to be okay, before flashing back to where he was standing just moments before, ready for a fight, in time to see Savitar come back, this time with someone else in his grasp, and when he saw who it was his knees nearly gave out. 

No. He had Len, _his Len_.

A metal spike out and threatening, the cold gun was destroyed at his feet, he was lifting Len off the ground by the hood of his parker and Barry couldn’t breathe. 

“You think I don’t know who the love of your life is Flash?” Savitar taunted, “I am you! You really thought you could change the future Flash? You’ll _never_ come back from this!” 

“NO! _Please_ , don’t kill him, just kill me! Take me, just p-please don’t kill him!” Tears were streaming down his face now, he was panting he could hardly breathe, his eyes were trained on Lens face, where he should look terrified but he didn’t, he was calm, acting cool like only Captain Cold can, his deep blue eyes were trained on Barry. “Scarlet its okay, I love you, you’ll be okay without me. _I love you Barry Allen_.” Len’s voice never waivered, he never took his eyes off Barry’s, they shimmered with love, and passion and held every emotion that Barry had waited years to see aimed towards him, and it was about to be taken away.

Savitar raised his blade and uttered the words that have been haunting Barry's dreams for months, "You lose Barry," and Barry Screamed.

**“NOOOOOOOOOOO!”**

He ran faster than he had ever run in his life, he had to get there in time, he had to save Len, he couldn’t lose him, not again. 

But he was too late. 

Savitar’s blade pierced through Lens back and Barry just caught his body before it hit the ground, Savitar was gone, It didn’t matter that he had gotten away, all Barry could focus on was the man lying in his arms and the blood staining his shirt.

"Len! Len hey, **Lenny** open your eyes okay, your okay, you have to be okay, _you cant die on me again_ Len you cant, please, _please_ open yours eyes, just open your eyes Len! I love you!” Len slowly opened his eyes, he smiled at Barry blood staining his teeth, he raised a shaky hand to gently caress Barry’s face, the cowl had been torn back at this point, and he spoke the last words Barry would ever hear him say. 

“I love you Barry, d-don’t let him win, _stay good_ , be the light in the world I know you are, d-do it for m-me. I love yo-“ The last word tampered off with his last breath, The blue eyes that Barry loved so much, were suddenly dull and lifeless, fixed, looking at him but not _seeing_ him and all he could do was scream. 

He screamed and screamed until his throat was raw. Sobbed and cried clinging to the love of his life’s body, Stuttering _‘I love you, I love you’_ over and over again. He didn’t let go, even when Joe and Iris came over tears staining their faces, words gentle, trying to pry him away. He just screamed and held on tighter and declared his love for the lifeless man in his arms again and again. He had just gotten him back, he had lost the love of his life two times, and his word was plunged into a darkness he knew he wouldn’t recover from this time. 

Three weeks ago the love of Barry Allen’s life came back to him. Now he was holding his body in his arms, after not being fast enough to save him. 

For three weeks his light had come back, and now it was gone, and there wasn’t going to be a second miracle.

Because you don’t get lucky twice, and that’s the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch, yeah sorry.


End file.
